Last night I talked with my mother for an hour. Conversations that last longer than ten minutes with my mom are usually doomed, and this was no exception. Here are some of the gems.
1. I'd be a lot less worried if it were Sarah going to New York. She is a much better traveler than you are.
2. Aren't you worried that there is going to be a terrorist attack?
3. What if you're hailing a cab and someone thinks you are making an ethnically inappropriate gesture or that you're a prostitute or something. Not that you look like a prostitute.
4. Everyone's going to think you're a hick. They won't be able to understand your accent.
5. How are you ever going to find your way around? Aren't you worried about getting lost?
6. Don't go jogging. People disappear while jogging in New York ALL THE TIME.
7. You're going to take the subway BY YOURSELF? You're going to go to the Met BY YOURSELF? You're going to have to eat dinner BY YOURSELF?
8. Do you have any last words in case you never come back? Do you want us to celebrate your birthday in remembrance?
In the middle of the conversation, I had an epiphany. "YOU YOU YOU!" I stuttered, "You are the voice inside my head that tells me that I'm going to be a hick. You are what has created this abject fear that nobody will like me. It's all you!" She laughed. "Oh, you blame me for everything."
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